'Key' DNA Research

A recent statistical survey shows that in the year 2005 locksmiths in America made an average of $57 gazillion dollars each by opening the doors to cars, houses, and apartments. Scientists have recently discovered there is a biological reason for these happenings and that 85% of the calls came from women. Apparently only found in the female DNA, there is a genophenetahogotype that often blocks the transmission from the female mind that has blocked the message to pickup the keys from getting to her perfectly manicured hands where the picking up actually needs to occur.

The same research has shown that this chink in the DNA chain is also responsible for the female driving etiquette. This phenomenon, however, is most often referred to when men are driving near women while breaking speed limit laws, being impatient, or with females who do not yet have the necessary examples of his "How I almost killed the people in my car by my need to drive faster, turn sharper, and know where I'm going even when I clearly don't"...stories.

If you've known me for more then a month you've probably heard me say that I have locked my keys in something. Yesterday because of this genetic reality I locked my keys in my apartment. My immediate response of course was to cry, have a cup of coffee and then rob a bank so I could fund the opening of my door, which is roughly $89 dollars given the current currency exchange. It is my great pleasure to say this story ended with a 62 year old retired fire chief from California using his hero DNA to devise a plan to climb onto the roof of my five story apartment building and into my apartment to save the day. What a brilliant and humorous God we have that our DNA’s can so annoy and so compliment each other at the same time.

Men, before you get to excited about being the smaller percentage of locksmith calls you should know a further study showed that out of the 15% of calls that came from men 75% of those men who, by the way, also said it was their wives who left the keys in the car and she’s just in using the bathroom, had to call and make an appointment with their car repair center for the next morning because their valiant efforts to beat the locksmith to it have left the driver and passenger windows inoperable.